


the things we did for love

by Temeritous



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Merle put a shirt on please, parley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 02:04:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14178165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Temeritous/pseuds/Temeritous
Summary: Look Justin straight-up said that Taako wasn't going to forgive Lucretia as easily as Merle and Magnus did, because he lost a lot more than they did.Merle sits down Taako and Lucretia and makes them talk.





	the things we did for love

**Author's Note:**

> See the end of the work for notes about possible triggers.

 

 

"Can you even do this with Parley?" Taako demanded, as Merle cast Zone of Truth. "Hey, don't fucking try to control me, I've told you that!"

Despite his anger, Taako's eight wasn't going to cut it for resisting Merle's favorite spell.

Merle frowned at Lucretia, who was sitting at the other end of the parley table, hands folded primly on the table in front of her. She liked to play at being as old as Merle's actual age, but they could remember now that she was technically younger than Magnus.

"I felt that eighteen, Lucy," Merle chided. "Don't resist it this time. We're just trying to get you two to work some stuff out!" He cast again, and felt it take hold.

"I don't see a need for this," Lucretia stated evenly, staring down at him. "Taako and I are fine as is."

"Yeah, I'm fine as hell and she's still a manipulative asshole!" Taako interjected, truthfully. "That's all good as long as I never have to see her again."

"It's going to make Candlenights together pretty awkward though, you gotta admit," Merle said, trying to force some cheer. "Come on, you're trapped here until I let you go... or one of you kills me. Might as well talk it out."

"I remember the rules of Parley," Lucretia assured him. "I also remember that you don't technically have to be shirtless for it."

Merle scratched through the hair on his sternum thoughtfully. "Yeah, but it just doesn't feel right to do it otherwise, y'know?"

"I'm not saying shit to anyone about anything," Taako asserted. Then, after a moment of fighting with himself, blurted, "Unless she starts shit, 'cause you know I'll do a hit on an old woman, I don't care."

"I am not the one who starts shit," Lucretia sniped back.

"Good, good, we're opening a dialog. I'm just gonna... go back here...." Merle retreated to the small table in the corner where he and John used to play chess, and cast Silence around himself. He gave them both a thumbs-up and a big grin.

"He's my least favorite aside from you," Taako announced, face turned away from Lucretia. "I think I'd be okay if he died. Maybe Kravitz would let it slide this time? Yeah, I'm done here."

Taako patted down his person as though he expected to find his staff-sized Krebstar in a pocket. He groaned upon realizing that he hadn't brought his weapon with him; he could maybe justify burning Merle a little to scare him into dropping Parley, but he didn't think he'd be able to do it up close and personal.

"Looks like we might actually have to talk," Lucretia observed, still sitting at the damn table.

"Or we could just fucking sit here," Taako snapped. "I've got about five hundred and fifty years left in me, you've both got less than that. If this is a waiting game, the elf always wins."

Lucretia snorted. "You can't sit still for thirty seconds, don't even try to play that card."

"Hey, fuck you, we don't all like to play behind-the-scenes puppetmaster. Rather be me than someone who could, I dunno, betray their family."

"I knew it wouldn't take you long to get back there," Lucretia muttered, sitting back with a sigh.

Taako slammed his palms down flat on the table and leaned over it at her. "Get where, back to here? We never left, Lucy. You and me are stuck right here forever."

"Because you can't let anything go! You never could, and I knew that, and I was resigned to it when I made you forget!" Lucretia's teeth clicked together when she was finished, like she was trying to bite the words back. She closed her eyes. "I knew it would be like this. I'm fine with it. They're the ones who want some sort of resolution between us."

"If you knew... then why did you do it?"

Taako didn't sound right. Lucretia's eyes were still closed and she didn't want to see him, because her eyes were burning with tears and she knew if she looked they'd start falling.

"Do you remember cycle forty-six?" She was proud that her voice didn't shake; she'd had such practice with acting like nothing was wrong in front of Taako, Magnus, and Merle. "They seemed like good people until we realized their gods demanded a yearly sacrifice. Magnus was ready to step up to the altar to get us the light, but they only wanted a woman."

"And Lup wasn't enough fucking woman for them," Taako's tone was flat.

Lucretia smiled a little, the tears passed. She opened her eyes again to the Parley room. "I've always been willing to make sacrifices for this mission. I was willing to sacrifice my bonds with you, all of you, to kill the Hunger once and for all."

"Yeah, 'cept the others are a bunch of idiots who don't know that if there's one good reason to do something, you'll always find more after it."

Lucretia nodded at Taako's turned back. He understood; they understood each other. She didn't need his forgiveness - she wanted it, but she couldn't ask.

"I regret that I had to do it, but not that I did. And, Taako, you know I'd do it again."

"That's a hell of a fucking apology," Taako sneered, folding his arms and turning around again, cocking one hip against the edge of the table.

"I've said I'm sorry," Lucretia burst, anger rising again. So they weren't past this. "Taako, I've sworn it up and down, I don't know what the fuck else you could want from me!"

Taako threw out his arms and shouted, "I want ten years of my life back!"

"I can't turn back time!"

There was silence after that outburst. Taako and Lucretia just stared at each other.

"After...." Lucretia started, and then trailed off. She found her voice again. "When we got here, and we'd made the relics... I heard what you said to Barry. About people, and dust. Taako, you were never the most emotional of us, but that killed me. That you could think like that because of what we'd been through. And it was killing all of us, I could see that - I didn't know how you all couldn't see it. I had to stop it. I was... I was saving you."

"I didn't ask for it," Taako snarled.

"A lot of things happen that we don't ask for. I'm sorry that this had to be one of them, but the Taako I knew coming out of our hundred-year flight would never have forged a bond with Angus McDonald. He would never have asked Kravitz out for a date. That Taako was a locked door to the outside world. But when you forgot... you could heal. I'm not sorry for that."

Taako tapped his knuckles against the table, staring down at her with an unreadable expression. He sat down.

"One time," he said, "After a show, this guy came up to my wagon when I was making my own dinner. He'd seen me adding the nightshade, and he was real helpful reminding me that I hadn't actually finished the transmutation that would nullify the poison. And I couldn't fucking do it right in front of him, so I transmuted it. But it was always there in the back of my head, this little door to... 'outside'. There were cliffs, and bandits I just didn't have to fight, and poisons in my show that I could just... forget to change. That was me for ten years. Just brushing up against death and deciding... not right now. But later. Too fucking chicken to finish the job, I guess."

Taako looked up, blowing out a shaky breath to try to calm himself down. He didn't want to watch Lucretia cry over him. "I was a fucking idiot, I'm sure you noticed. You scooped out half my fucking brain. You killed me, Lucy. That moron you hired on couldn't put together two thoughts through the static in his head. Being back with Merle and Magnus helped a little, and Fisher's ichor helped some, but a Taako who doesn't remember Lup... isn't Taako. It's a joke with two pointed ears and fucking nothing in between them. That's what you took from me."

She had her face in her hands, droplets falling to the table beneath her. "I'm sorry, Taako."

"But you can't turn back time," Taako repeated, seeing in his mind a chalice rolling to a stop at his feet. "And... I've had that chance."

Sacrifices: Lucretia had known what she was giving up. She'd made that choice for them, when she didn't have the right.

The Suffering Game, the liches and their cruel wheel, choosing between two evils. Sometimes the good choice is also the wrong one.

Merle was still there in the corner, playing with some app on his stone, one-armed and one-eyed. Sometimes the right choice is awful and permanent.

Sometimes life just hurts, and you have to keep going, and hope you come out the other side with everything that's important to you.

Taako was always the wary one, the protector for himself and Lup, because she was too outgoing and no one else was going to look out for them. She could forgive people, but Taako never did. He always watched, was always ready, for when they'd turn again.

"I've never forgiven anyone before, Lucy," Taako said. "But I... I don't want to feel like this. I don't know how to stop."

"I think you just... decide to move on." Lucretia offered. "It's like... choosing to forget. Or choosing to remember the good things more."

Taako looked at her, and thought about the beach world. The robots, the plane of magic, creating their items together on the artificer's world. And there was the always-invasive thought, the nasty and spiteful voice: she took Lup from me.

But I got her back, Taako countered. Even knowing... nothing about myself, I found my way back to her.

"How're we doing," Lucretia asked cautiously, one corner of her mouth tipping up.

"Work in progress," Taako said simply. "Now let's hug or something so Merle will let us go."

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of suicidal thoughts (blatant, centralized) and transphobia (one sentence, not a central point).


End file.
